Plastic People, Perfect World
by Kiljoy
Summary: Claire's Ken doll gets a little too close to the fire, and Jacob sympathizes with him until he starts taking on the traits of a certain bronze haired vampire. [Complete] Disclaimer: I own none of it, it's all Stephenie Meyer's.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing, I just like to play puppeteer with the characters every now and then.**

**Summer: Claire's Ken doll gets a little too close to the fire, and Jacob sympathizes with him until he starts taking on the traits of a certain bronze haired vampire.**

**Jacob's POV**

I sat on the big blue loveseat in Emily's living room as Quil and Claire played Barbies on the floor. It had occured to me a while ago that, with some time, maybe I could sink low enough into the cushions so that the sofa would swallow me whole. It was a very precise task, so I had to be careful not to speed up the process. The loveseat and I could work together, just as long as I was patient enough. So, every once in a while I'd shift my body so that I could work towards my ultimate goal.

"Isn't she just too cute?" Said the back of Quil's head. He was on his hands and knees providing the voice of a gnarled Barbie sporting a nice green mohawk. Claire was sitting on the carpet across from him with a very handsome Ken doll, it's a shame he could find no pants.

I knew that even if I answered Quil, he probably wouldn't hear me. He seemed to absorbed in his plastic world with Claire and I really didn't have the heart to interrupt him. Also, maybe if I opened my mouth, I'd throw off my plan. I couldn't make any move unless I thought it through carefully, this was going pretty good and I didn't want to ruin it. That's why I kept my mouth shut.

Claire started taking Ken over to the fireplace, and whether her intenions were to singe his whole front or not, that's exactly what happened. Ken's blazer was smoking and completely gone in some places. Where his pants should have been was now taking on a black color and melting over his legs. I really felt for the guy.

Quil was suddenly alert as he noticed how close Claire was getting to the fire.

"Claire, no!" He screamed and grabbed her quickly. Personally, I think he was overreacting since there was a gate inbetween the fire and her. The holes were only big enough for a Ken sized object. Poor guy. Not like I could do anything, though, I was about halfway buried now.

Embry came running in through the kitchen. His eyes were wide and he came to an abrupt stop at the happy scene of Quil and Claire, as they resumed their play. He looked confused.

"Why'd you yell?" He asked Quil. Quil turned briefly to acknowledge his presence.

"Claire. Fire." Quil said as he turned back to Claire, making the two dolls dance now. I admired Ken for being able to stay on his feet after being through something as brutal, gruesome as having his nuts burnt off.

"Claire caught on fire?" Embry questioned. He waited for a second, but when Quil never responded, he shrugged and turned to me. Embry jumped slightly, apparently previously unaware that I was here.

"What's up with you?" He said as he took in my awkward postion; my right leg sunk so deep into the crevice of the two cushions that it was barely visable, my butt halfway hidden inbetween the back of the couch and the cushion I was sitting on, and the disturbing calmness of it all.

Because I wouldn't dare move, I just raised my eyes to look at him. He was baffled. Embry, being the guy he was, with no former experience with girls or any kind of relationship for that matter, was oblivious to the effects of a broken heart.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Claire holding something in the air triumphantly in her tiny fist. She squealed with delight as she crawled back over to Quil from behind the couch.

Quil started clapping with her and I caught sight of what had them all excited. Claire had obviously found a long lost Barbie underneath the couch. Maybe she tried to bury herself alive like me. Perhaps in a few years, after my task was accomplished, Claire would pull me out from beneath the sofa and start clapping again.

The hardly seemed likely though, once I was fully covered and hidden inside the couch, for the rest of my life I'd probably stay there, collecting dust. I hoped I did. Claire wouldn't look for me, and if she did find me she'd leave me there. I wasn't as pretty as that Barbie and nowhere near as fun to play with.

"Hey, hey you guys." Embry began hesitantly. "There's only two of you and three Barbies. How are you going to manage that?"

Quil looked up at Embry and tossed him the green mohawk Barbie.

"You're right. It would be lunacy if me or Claire tried to be more than one person! Claire, is it okay if Embry plays with us?"

She started clapping again.

Embry kneeled down beside them and they resumed creating picture perfect lives with their little plastic people.

Quil was now being Ken, as Claire had preferred the newly discovered Barbie over him and his melted groin.

Claire's Barbie was very pretty. She had long, shiny brown hair.

Bella's hair was long and brunette, just like that.

All that time under the couch seemed to have done her good. She even had lipstick on, but it looked like Claire had applied it as it was smeared all across her perfect face.

Kind of resembles the color on Bella's cheeks, the blush that she always seemed to have.

I could feel myself sinking further into the sofa.

"And your eyes are like pools of coffee I'd like to wake up to every morning, my love." Quil's voice radiated from Ken's mouth.

Bella's eyes are brown too, but I'll never see those again. Much less wake up to them.

Ken wore a cheesy grin on his face. Yeah, on the outside he was a real romantic. On the inside he was probably mentally undressing that poor pretty Barbie. His heart was black, in fact, he didn't even have a heart. He was solid plastic, hard shiny plastic. Why was that beautiful Barbie even giving that jerk the time of day?

It was happening in slow motion. Quil-Ken was still serenading Claire's Barbie. She was swaying on her rubber feet. She was actually falling for that moron! What was wrong with her? Mohawk Barbie jumped in, trying to break it up. She wanted Ken for herself. Too bad Ken only had eyes for the brunette Barbie. Ha, Ken preferred brunettes.

Mohawk Barbie spoke in a deep, drawling voice. She reached out to grab brunette Barbie by the hair and pull her backwards, but Ken slapped her out of the way.

In a matter of seconds, Ken and brunette Barbie's faces were being smashed together in the act of kissing. It looked rather painful, really. Their little plastic heads were bobbing back and forth from each repeated impact.

Quil was making annoying smacking noises to accompany the cracking sounds everytime Barbie and Ken's faces hit each other.

I really hoped brunette Barbie was enjoying this. She was just as shallow as Ken. What a wonderful sensation. Kissing plastic. Plastic couldn't even respond. It just sat there, like a rock. A stupid, shiny, hard, cold rock.

Ken made me so angry, almost violent. But what was wrong with me? He was plastic. He didn't even have his man parts anymore, so why was he such a threat to me? I wasn't in love with his Barbie, I didn't want his girl and his blazer was a little too sophisticated for me.

But it was a bit too ironic for me, as well. Here he is, this fancy, rich and handsome piece of hard, dead matter. On his arm was that beautiful brown eyed brunette Barbie, blinded by his good looks and whispers of sweet nothings. What did Ken have that I didn't? I could give the Barbie so much more than Ken could. I was alive and breathing. I had a heart. Ken didn't have any of those things.

Ken was Edward, and the brunette Barbie was Bella. That's reason Quil, Claire and Embry's play date was bothering me so much.

I hated him. He took my world and he was going to make her a part of his very own.

Maybe Edward would get his groin singed off just like Ken. He certainly had it coming.

Quil, Claire and Embry kept on with their little love triangle. It occured to me then that I was the mohawk Barbie, thrown aside. It didn't matter what happened to mohawk Barbie, she was a leftover, she'd had her turn and now she was just ugly and useless and given to the guy that wanted to play with the pedophile-werewolf and the two year old.

I didn't want that same fate.

So that's why I still didn't say anything, or even move. I was further in the couch than I'd ever imagine I could be, and maybe my wish was coming true and it actually was going to swallow me whole, take me from this mediocre existance. I could only look forward to what lie ahead. Once I became a part of this couch with the long lost remote and the stale Cheetos, I would retire to the darkness underneath the sofa.

Just like brunette Barbie.

And maybe fter we both had reached rock bottom, perhaps we'd meet up again.


End file.
